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I'm in the same room as him. I'm not even looking at him. I can't. I have to talk to one of my friends who is, unfortunately, near him. I wouldn't even go near her, turn around, leave, and talk to her later, if it wasn't urgent. I can see him. Out of the corner of my eye. I can't look at him. I won't. I won't give him the satisfaction. I won't let him know that he exists to me. He doesn't. My hands start to shake. He looks like he might be looking at me, but I can't tell out of the corner of my eye. Don't look at me, you freak. You have no right to look at me. I stumble over my words. Distracted. He smirks. I can't tell if it is at me, or for what one of his own friends is saying to him. I can't look, I know, but I do remember. I remember his soft brown hair. I remember how I felt, running my hands through it. I remember how I felt when I kissed him. His eyes are pools of green. Dark. Comforting. He used to call me every night. He used to treat me like a princess. He used to do a lot of things. But he doesn't anymore. He just glares. We can't help it. There is no going back. We can't help who we were. We can't help who we are. We can't change what we felt. We can't change what happened. Whilst I am talking still, my mind drifts back.

 

The gorgeous burning glances. The flirting. The laughter. The diamond kisses made of eiderdown, taking me high, lifting me. The soft caresses, whispered promises curling around my brain. The harsh come and go of hips. And afterwards too. Afterwards when the cuddles and tender love stroked my bruised ego. The kisses I will never know again. That I don't want to know again. But I strangely miss. Then after this, the change that came over him. That enveloped us both, if I am honest with myself. The pure rage. The shaking, pure adrenaline, when I see him. Ready. I have been ready for years. My eyes cloud over with black. I see in the mirror on the wall. His fault. He caused me to be like this, so he can accept who I am. He made me. Tender memories over, my hate returns. Stronger than ever.

 

Oh my sweet darling. I follow you home. I stick to the shadows. You can't see me. No one will. I am far too advanced to be caught. I know my prey. I know to hunt. I can feel your breath. Changes the air around you. I am close to you. I could almost touch you. But not yet. I want you to feel this darling. I want you to know exactly how I feel. I want you to suffer. Yes, darling, I hate you. And I always will. Remember that promise we made to each other darling? Well I haven't broken it. I promised to love you forever. Now I hate you. But they are the same emotions, don't you see? Just that one evokes a positive response, and the other negative. I am so close to you I can feel the tremor of your footsteps darling. Darkness closes around us. You sense something wrong. Your breathing quickens. I can tell what you are thinking. I know you too well darling. I can almost hear the words formulating in your head. You are telling yourself that there is nothing to worry about, aren't you? Well that is a lie darling, and secretly you know that, don't you?

 

I am so close that you can't help but feel my breathing on your neck, shallow though it is. You spin around. Your emotions play clearly across your face. Fear. Relief. Confusion. Anger. Yes darling. Oh yes, this is delicious. You have no need to fear me do you? You think that you could take me on. Never mind that I snuck up on you so easily. Never mind that I am a trained and accomplished killer. But you don't know that part, do you? I have dreamed of this day. Yearned for it with every particle of my being. I intend to rip you limb from limb. But you've been buffing up haven't you darling? Unfair though it might be, I don't want to give you any possible chance of fighting back. Flick. My twins in their guards flick into my hands. Glitter. Cold. You can't see them glitter in the dark, but you can sense something wrong. You can sense that I am more powerful than I have previously let on. Bewilderment crosses your face, this is the first thought that you have had that I might possibly be dangerous. I bring my arm back. I thank my gods for this chance. I am so lucky that I am here tonight. I have been waiting for this chance for long enough. My passion penetrates you deep in your gut. Role reversal. Hot blood gushes all up my arms. Covers me.

 

I drag my arms up, carving through his skin. My other dagger comes into his chest. Again. Again. Again. I leave his skin in rags. He screams. His screams rip out of his throat. Tears stream down my face. I am exhausted. I can't carry on. I wanted to rip him apart. I will have to just settle with killing him.  I am mentally and emotionally drained. His screams slow. I wrench the daggers out of his body. My tears flow freely. I can't make sense of the emotions flowing through my head. His eyes flutter closed. His breaths stop. Forever. His weight falls on my tired arms. I lay him on the cold concrete. Fitting. Freezing like his heart. Like our beating hearts together.

 

I stand over him and I can hear screaming. I want to shut the person up, but I can't move. The place is deserted. Who could be screaming? Then I realise that the screams are my own. A bubble of hysteria bubbles up through me and explodes out in fresh screams. I'm standing over the lifeless form of my old flame. My face and neck are soaked in tears. I can't stop my own screaming.

 

The screaming took ages to quieten, and when it did, it left me cold and broken. I had to move. I couldn't stay here. I'd been there too long already. He looked peaceful, sleeping. Apart from the blood that spattered on his neck. I lean over his face. I stroke him gently. I lean down and kiss him gently, right on the mouth. "I love you" I softly whisper to him.

 

 

 

 

 

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