“Sophie. come on, tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been slamming things around all day.”

“I’m not talking to you - arsehole.”

“Is this about last night?”

“You know very well it is.”

“At least I went,” he said, acidly. “It was a real embarrassment.”

“No more than you deserve - bastard!”

“Me? What have I done? You’re the one who didn’t turn up.”

“Huh. That’s always the way with you. ‘What did I do?’ Like you don’t know… Well, for your information, Little Mr. I didn’t do anything, I did go last night and don’t even dare call what you did, ‘nothing’.”

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Shall we start with that floozy?”

“What floozy?”

“Don’t give me that; the blonde bimbo with legs up to her chin that was draped all over you, like some cheap whore.”

“Ah,” he said, realising who she was referring to. “But...”

“No excuses, you snake. I saw her… and you and… and… and… Well, let’s just say you weren’t leaving much to the imagination.”

“You were there? I didn’t see you.”

“Of course I was there, numbnuts. How else would I have known that you’d been feeling up that tart in the dress-less back? Oooh, so I wanted to show you up, right there and then. Just to make you see what an idiot you’d made of me, but I’m better than that.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“I just feel sorry for your friends. God alone knows what they must have thought. I mean, you were supposed to be there with me weren’t you?”

“I was. They were disappointed, but...”

“See! You disappointed them. I thought we were a couple, exclusive. Then I see you on our date with that… that… tramp.”

“Now hold on just a minute…”

“Go on then, smarty-pants, try and weasel out of this one with the ‘she doesn’t mean anything to me line.”

“You’re right, she doesn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s a really nice girl - clever too. She’s got a doctorate in applied mathematics; does voluntary work in the community…”

“On her back no doubt.”

“Now there’s no need for that. I can’t say we were pleased that you didn’t stay.”

“Stay? As if I would have been stupid enough to stay after you’d been pawing and drooling all over that… that bloody tart, I mean, Christ, the only things missing were a pair of clear-soled platform shoes and a film crew wearing ‘porn star’ t-shirts. What do you take me for? There’s no way on God’s green earth I’d have stayed after being witness to that.”

“You’ve got it all wrong, Sophie.”

“Oh, what, you weren’t drooling?”


“Hah, I don’t believe that. I suppose you weren’t pawing her either.”


“Do you think I’m blind? Do you honestly think I’m going to take the ‘you’ve got it all wrong’ thing? I suppose you’re going to tell me it was all a big coincidence, aren’t you? Don’t tell me, she just happened to be there; it was an accident - she just happened to fall on you and her tongue just happened to slide into your mouth and half way down your throat.”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it quite like that.”

“How would you put it then?”

“Well for a start, it was no accident that she was there, but I didn’t paw her as you so eloquently put it and the only kissing I did was a small peck on the cheek as a greeting. She did not fall on me and she did not jam her tongue half way down my throat.”

“Huh! You could’ve fooled me.”

“I wasn’t cheating on you, Sophie and I’m disappointed that you even think I would. I certainly wouldn’t cheat on you with my brother’s fiancé.”

“Your what?”

“My brother’s fiancé.”


“The very same. They’re getting married next month. They’d just got back from Australia and since Denise doesn’t know anyone here, they arranged the dinner for Brian to ask me to be best man. Denise would probably have asked you to be maid of honour if you’d been there.”


“Yes. My TWIN brother, the one I’ve been telling you about for the last three weeks since I found out they were coming here. It’s true, they did get a little er, ‘active’ shall we say in the bar beforehand, but it was all in fun and I wasn’t involved.”




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